


that's fine (i'm just breakin inside)

by ayyyitsayla



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, F/F, Falling In Love, High School, How Do I Tag, One Shot, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, kinda dark ngl, smāh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28005564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayyyitsayla/pseuds/ayyyitsayla
Summary: a girl in love with another girl. at first it was a harmless crush on her former best friend. but it got worse, until the point where she could no longer handle it.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Original Female Character/Original Male Character (mentioned)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	that's fine (i'm just breakin inside)

**Author's Note:**

> TW: self-harm, suicide  
> (please do not read if you are sensitive to this sort of thing)
> 
> note: this is a songfic, and the lines in italics are lines in the song  
> also you might want to listen to the song while reading: one day -tate mcrae

_~ she stares at her ceiling, once again, with a hundred thoughts ~_

it’s silent other than the music playing in the background. some random playlist she found on spotify.

_~ maybe she knows who i am? probably not ~_

an ad comes on. she doesn’t have premium. she doesn’t have anything tying her to this world. just in case.

_~ she walks down the hall with her head down low, scared to meet her eyes ~_

the floor is cold against her back. but she can barely feel it. she feels too much and too little.

_~ even when she hears her voice, she's swarmed with butterflies ~_

deep breath. in. out. she risks a look towards the bathroom cabinet. she really shouldn’t.

_~ it's impossible to get you off my mind, think about a hundred thoughts and you are 99 ~_

she lifts herself off the ground. looking at herself in the mirror, she can’t help but wonder where she went wrong.

_~ i've understood that you will never be mine, and that's fine, i'm just breaking inside ~_

she could never have her. she was happily in love with someone. with a boy. so she just stared as she walked by.

_~ she always walks the crowded halls and she's blinded by this light, a girl who keeps her head down low and never shows her eyes ~_

she pulls away from the mirror. she can’t look at herself anymore.

_~ she's tried to talk to her but there's no easy way, ‘cause everytime she raises her voice, she runs away ~_

she opens the cabinet to find a razor. behind that is the blade she removed from it.

_~ oh, it's impossible to get you off my mind, i think about a hundred thoughts and you are 99 ~_

she pulls up her sleeve to reveal rows of neat lines. they are forever etched into her skin.

_~ i've understood that you will never be mine, and that's fine, i'm just breaking inside ~_

she adds another line. and another. and another, until her brain feels foggy, and she can’t see her arm under the red layer covering it.

_~ one day, maybe she'll stay, and start to head over her way ~_

she does it to her other arm too. just in case. then she thinks. she thinks of her favorite person.

_~ and one day, she'll look into her eyes, and instead of breaking, she'll call her mine ~_

she thinks of the girl who passes her in the hall every day, never paying attention to the girl dressed in plain, baggy clothes.

_~ one day, she'll grab her by the waist, and force them to meet face to face ~_

she imagines that she loves her back, beyond just the friendship they used to have long ago.

_~ one day, she'll look into her eyes, and say that, "you're my only light" ~_

could that really happen? she doesn’t think so. she was supposed to come over tonight. for a biology project. it doesn’t matter anymore.

_~ it's impossible to get you off my mind, i think about a hundred thoughts and you are 99 ~_

her body falls to the ground. it doesn’t make a sound. or maybe it does. she wouldn’t know.

_~ i understand that you will never be mine, and that's fine, I'm just breaking inside ~_

she wonders, ‘what if’, as the music gets fainter and fainter. and the last thing she hears, is a pretty girl knocking on her door.

**Author's Note:**

> song: one day -tate mcrae (but altered to say she* instead of he*)
> 
> hey guys, i wrote this during a bit of a tough time and found it unfinished in my notes earlier. i decided I would finish it and get it out there, because why not? anyway, i'm doing better now and hope that everyone reading this is doing ok. i know times are hard right now, but we can get through this. always look forward to better days, because the girl in this fic made a permanent choice to a temporary problem, and i hope none of you do the same.
> 
> signing off, ayla


End file.
